My Birth Story: Part 1 Pregnancy So truthfully, the actual pregnancy for me was pretty uneventful. Now the fact that I was actually pregnant came as a shock. After being told a few months prior that my body wouldn’t be ready for another 5 to 10 years, I was pretty shocked. 4 pregnancy tests to confirm shocked. You know, science, you need multiple tests to confirm statistical significance that the positive readings were indeed positive. (sarcasm). Anyways, I didn’t have much morning sickness, no throwing up except for when I got the stomach virus and ended up in the ER. Go big or go home. My second and third trimesters were equally as uneventful. I continued to teach, go to school and do my clinical rotation all the way up until the weekend I was due….something I whole heartedly would do again in a heartbeat. I think it kept me active, mind in a good place, and goals for moving forward. I had the stress of fighting to stay in school, but I’m thankful for the many voices of support, encouragement and advice that I received. Nothing really happened until week 38. Up until then my doctor would just say how great baby and I were doing and how everything was going perfectly. She mentioned she thought this baby would be littler from the beginning seeing as I was fit and not exactly very big either. But then 38 weeks hit and she told us she wanted to order a growth scan to make sure the baby was getting enough nutrients and that he was growing. Ok, great….kinda worried us, but I knew he was growing as I could tell just from my size and body changing plus how active baby was. I had previously told her that I wanted a natural birth, no episiotomy (something she was known for doing without asking), and labor at home as much as possible. I told her due to an antibiotic allergy, IV fluids weren’t wanted either as sometimes they like to mix those in as well. I remember her saying “well I hope we can give you as close to that kind of birth as we can but you never know.” I remember saying with my healthy history it was very important to me and that I wanted the baby to come naturally without any interventions unless extreme circumstances arise. She said sure. My gut was yelling at me even at that time. Then she told us week 39 appointment that baby is 8% weight of normal weight and needs to be induced by Friday…the night before my due date. When I asked her why, she said because anything under 10% they induce and my amniotic fluid was low. I looked at the results myself and saw that the radiologist said it was decreasing…which happens naturally as you move toward labor…and that the 8% was an average of all American babies born. So naturally I began to question being induced as the heart rate was great, scan scored 8/8, and contraction to heart rate recordings were perfect. Then after then test, she calls me on the phone and still pressed for me to induce Friday, saying my baby was in danger. I asked her why would we be inducing before the due date and why couldn’t I wait until after the due date to consider the induction with everything going ok. That is when she said she didn’t want my baby to die in the womb. My reaction to what she said was controlled …however, I was steaming inside. WTF….Just not abbreviated and with more colorful words after that. This woman had the nerve to tell me my baby would die if I didn’t induce… I told her as politely as I could that I would be discussing it with my husband and I wouldn’t make my decision until then. I called her Thursday, (I remember the day because I made myself wait a few days before talking to her as I didn’t wanna completely go off on her as upset as I was), and told her I would not be there Friday for an induction but would set up one for Monday in case. She reluctantly agreed. Monday rolls around, and to my displeasure, no baby. It isn’t like I didn’t try literally everything possible to try to induce naturally, cause if I read it might help, I tried it let me tell you. Jumping, squats, walking, massage, acupuncture, chiro, stairs, tea, spicy food, etc etc etc…..I tried it. So I called Monday morning and scheduled scans to see how baby was doing. Again, 8/8 on scans and heart rate with contractions were perfect. My heart was so happy, I felt like this burden of forced labor was lifted because my baby was ok. I was told I could be “stretched to a one” dilation and they striped my membranes. Then my doctor walks in and tells me my baby is still 8% weight and the umbilical cord was included 95% and my baby wasn’t getting enough oxygen and my placenta wasn’t going to support him….. I was heart broken and terrified. See I knew all the risks with induction. I knew the C section rates, the stress it places on the baby and I, and all the studies coming out about OBs forcing moms to have planned labors. And yet she was telling me my baby boy was dying in my womb, not getting enough oxygen or nutrients from the cord or placenta… I was even told by a confidential source that my OB SCHEDULES INCUDTIONS ON PURPOSE AT 39 WEEKS WITH ALL OF HER PATEINTS. What do you do with that? My mind knew the stats, knew the motives, knew the facts. But my heart had heard my baby was dying inside me. My heart heard that my body was again failing m and was now failing to support my baby. I felt had no choice but to do what she said. So, with Alex sitting next to me, I called my doula and let her know what we would be having to do…and that was that. I was told to sleep, eat, etc….. there was no way. I was being forced to do something I knew deep down wasn’t needed, yet that was my new reality. Screw my natural birth plan, screw peace, screw my body’s intuition…it was out the window with any control I felt I had. Labor and the Truth: I know I am posting this story late. I wanted to be as honest as possible with this whole birth story, so I wanted to make sure all my interactions with my OB were done and that I had time to process. I haven’t stopped being angry everything I think about my story, maybe someday. Because I want people to learn from my story. Learn from my mistakes. Learn from my experience. Some might not think my birth story is traumatic....that's ok. But for me it was. Monday night Alex and I walked into Bailey Medial. I hadn’t slept. I had been stressfully trying to induce labor all weekend and crying all day. But I couldn’t sleep. Or eat much for that matter. I felt sick walking into the hospital. I felt forced and I felt terrified. One thing about induction is it takes away all freedom. Freedom to move. Freedom to choose things. Freedom to eat. Freedom to walk out of the 10 yard hallway of the L&D. All gone. Here’s an IV in your arm and monitors around your waist, enjoy. You get a 3 foot of cord and that’s your leash unless you want to pee. Then you get to call a nurse, be waddled over to the restroom, pee, then right back in bed. If you know me….it’s like my living hell. Anyways. I was hooked up and strapped in. I was given Cervilid, a drug to soften my uterus. Still at 1 cm by the way, my body hadn’t changed a bit. It wasn’t ready. But hey, that’s what drugs are for right? Let’s shove something up there. Funny fact, the nurse told me my doctor had a special type of Cervidil brought in from another hospital. No one knew why, they just knew it was the only one and she had never used it before. Great. Side story: my nurses at Bailey were the best thing God ever give to me during my labor beside my family and my doula. One of them who was there for my first night (of 3) even told me she knew that this wasn’t what I wanted and she was sorry. But then she told me this: “I am going to do as much as I can to help you feel like you have more control over what’s going on. Tell me if you feel you need anything ill see if I can do it within protocol. I support natural birth and I know how important it is to you. I’m here to do what I can. I am sorry this happening but soon your baby will be in the world, take heart in that”. That meant so much. So. After one hell of a first night in the hospital (no sleep, contractions starting, constantly being monitored and readings taken), they started the Pitocin at 8am. Pitocin is drug to help contractions begin or increase, therefore inducing the patient into labor. They started me on a low dose and upped it by 2 every hours all day long. Another few things about Pitocin is that it makes contractions more intense….so it is more painful, more intense, and just overall more sucky as you can’t move more than your leash allows. Also, the thing that really worried me, Pitocin can place stress on the baby. My worry was if my baby was actually dying then the drug would cause his heart rate to go to dangerous levels or that my body would reject it like it tends to with many drugs. They checked my cervix and inserted a Foley bulb (think of a water balloon up where the sun doesn’t shine, sounds fun right?) to help with the dilation. We did this because…guess what, still at 1 cm even after the Cervidil. Sure it wasn’t the dilator but most women at least respond to it a little bit. Me, no, my body wasn’t ready. During the morning my doctor came in and told me something that… I will never forget. “Alright! Let’s have a baby! Now don’t worry, try to relax and we will take our time getting this boy out. We will start the Pitocin and you never know how long it will take so just settle in! I have a feeling I will see you tomorrow!” WTF…………………….. You tell me my son is dying in my womb, then you tell me to relax and that you are going to take your time….which is it? Is my son dying or are you just getting a scheduled birth? I got so mad…..I’m proud I didn’t punch or cuss out anyone, but it was going down in my mind alright. I might be a yoga teacher….but in that moment there was no thoughts of love, zen, or peace. So from 9 until about 2pm, I labored with intense contraction, increasing Pitocin and my water balloon. I used an exercise ball and swaying next to my bed to help me not go completely crazy and to help work through the pain. At 2, the bulb fell out (it is supposed to) and I was told I was at a 4! Ok! I thought alright, this is good, progress, maybe this will actually work! Haha o you silly girl. Around 5pm, my nurse came in and told me that my doctor had called and left instructions to take me off of Pitocin for the night. She said the doctor wanted me to get a sandwich to eat, take a shower and that they would put me back on the Pitocin at a steady state level of 4 all night and then ramp it back up every 30 mins the next day. I asked why they were wanting me to take a break if my baby needed to be out now. The nurse could only reply that the doctor wanted to give me a little break. She didn’t seem concerned about this 8% bodyweight and cord that she was telling me would kill my baby. Ok then.. So I ate a Chick fil a wrap, grabbed a shower, was told I would need to be back in bed by 9pm which turned out to be 8:30pm so before I knew it, I was back in bed hooked up to drugs. That night……sucked monkey balls. There’s no way I can say that kinder. It sucked; night two of no sleep, lots of pain, headache, and lightheadness. I remember ripping off my blood pressure cuff monitor and my nurse comes storming in. I told her if she put it back on, I’d rip it off again. I told her to give me at least a few moments to use the restroom in peace. She waited right outside the door as I was crying for a good 10 minutes in the bathroom, long enough for her to ask me to come out a few times. The next morning, I was in so much pain, tired, in pain, hungry and dizzy, I told Alex I was scared I wouldn’t have enough strength to push. I had wanted natural and well it was already everything but natural. After waiting a few more hours, having them check me and finding I hadn’t dilated at all, I decided to get an epidural and have them break my water. Epidural was placed after a few failed attempts due to my loving scoliosis and then the doctor came in and broke my water. I fell asleep a few moments after for the best two hours of sleep I’ve ever had in my life. Alex said I didn’t more and was totally out. Can you blame me? I hadn’t slept and been in labor for over 35 hours already. I woke up around 12:30pm and we found out I was fully dilated, effaced and just need to drop a bit more and I would be ready. Thank God. I remember looking at Alex and dopily saying “drugs were finally good for something, let’s do this thing!” Alex took them saying everything was good to go, as that we were doing this right that second, so his 4 cups of coffee kicked into high gear. Poor guy soon found out we would need to wait a bit more before the show started haha. By 1:15pm he had dropped and I started pushing. I had to figure out how to push to get progress. The way I was taught didn’t work. But pretty soon we started seeing progress when I held my breath. I knew this was dangerous but for the damage it would do to my body and my tendency to how low blood pressure. But I knew if I didn’t do something, I would be facing a C section. So I pushed for 45 minutes, Alex feeding me ice, my doula encouraging me beside my ear and the nurse trying to coach me from my feet. I need to take a moment to say how amazing my husband did. He was right there, never left me side, fed me ice chips, let me turn his hand blue from squeezing, rubbed my back, encouraged me, and never stopped. My doula was in my other ear telling me to breath, encouraging me throughout and giving my added support to push. Without them, it wouldn’t have been possible. I encourage anyone who is or will be giving birth to have a support system you can count on. It means and is the world. Nurse told me to stop trying to push when baby’s head crowned because they needed to call the doctor and get her in there. I told her I would NOT be stopping pushing and that if my freakin doctor missed the window, she missed the window. I was having this freakin baby. They told me to stop pushing to catch my breath….I was stubborn and kept pushing. Alex says my blood pressure tanked so bad a few times that he got worried. I’m glad I didn’t pass out. At 2:15pm, Baby Ethan came into this world screaming with a set of lungs that rivals a 6 month old. 6 pounds 14 ounces of pure healthy baby boy. I can’t describe the relief, surprise, love, happiness and so much more that I felt at that moment. Truthfully….yea I mean I had a whale size belly going on but you just don’t even realize to the scope of the fact that a living being is in you. Yes it kicks your ribs, slams your bladder and climbs your diaphragm….but nothing prepares you for seeing your baby come out and be handed into your arms. And that’s what matters. My baby was in my arms. So postpartum wise…….it has had it’s ups and down. The love I feel for my baby is unlike anything I have ever known.
I looked up my scan results when I got home. I just had a hunch. The scan I had taken on Monday did have the baby’s weight percentage….as 12%. Not 8% like she has claimed. And the umbilical cord? Yeah, normal mild degeneration…the amount would have been occurring at 40 weeks but not endangering the baby…. The moment I read that, I’m pretty sure my blood pressure would have read in a tachycardia range… There is nothing like lying to pregnant lady…..karma lady, it’s gonna be a bitch someday. Complications have surfaced as of late…. Baby Ethan had issues latching from the start, leaving me in pain and marked, with gassy and colicky moments from him. I went to a lactation consultant at 6 weeks and found out he has multiple ties! So we were able to get that fixed and can’t wait to see the changes for the better in our loving Ethan. When I went into see the OB post 6 weeks, I asked about a prolapse that I felt like was there. She assured me during our appointment that she saw no issues at all. Well….I don’t trust her for obvious reasons, so I went to see my pelvic floor physical therapist. Sure enough, I do have prolapse that was causing my pain. In fact, I have two grade 2+ prolapses….. And it has progressively gotten worse. I am now a candidate for surgery and additional intervention. People are always asking me " O how are you doing? You look great! Keep it up!". All I want to say is, I am not great you guys, my insides are coming out and I can't do anything else about it.... But on the outside I look fine so I say thank you and move on. So now I am not working out, praying it heals, praying I didn’t make it too much worse when I took my OBs advice to begin working out., and hoping I can someday return to the activities I love. But I am thankful. Baby E came into the world and is amazing. I can’t believe it….my baby boy. I’m a mom…even now it just blows me away! I’m thankful. I’m blessed. Now let’s hope the healing for us both is successful.
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AuthorCassandra McCoy Archives
October 2018
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